Listening skills are one of the few that we use almost every day, as long as we are in some kind of conversation. For many professionals, it’s a bit like breathing. Until something goes terribly wrong, we don’t notice our level of skill and do little to improve our capacity from one day to the next.
In this article, I make the point that this approach is mistaken, providing a single way (among many) to think about advanced listening skills.
How to Rescue Low Employee Followership with Advanced Listening Skills
Executives are often amazed to discover how much they can accomplish with advanced listening skills. Unfortunately, the path to developing them is shrouded in mystery, resulting in a numbing mediocrity that undermines their best efforts.
If you are an executive (or a professional who aspires to top leadership) you are likely to be blessed with great analytical skills. Plus, you have an ability to think on your feet and quickly put thoughts into words. You are also driven to communicate in powerful ways, recognizing the critical need for a leader to develop committed followers.
If you happen to be a leader who is unable to develop the “followership” you’d like, you probably aren’t thinking of fixing the problem with better listening skills. Perhaps, like many, you assume that they are easy to learn, and not that important. You may believe that you are better than your colleagues, trusting that you wouldn’t be where you are in your career if you weren’t already well above average.
However, consider that the popular definition of “listening” (in a two-person conversation) is limited. Most people define “listening” to be more or less the same as “hearing.” In other words, if you have heard all the words the other person has said, then that’s the same as having good listening skills.
That’s a mistake.
Unfortunately, if you are a smart ambitious person, you may be pretending to listen. See if this fits: While the other person is talking, your bright mind races along, assessing multiple thoughts in a flash. You fill the gap between the end of your last sentence and the start of the next one with your own thoughts. Their voice is little more than background noise.
Therein lies the problem. When you are caught up in your thoughts, you aren’t actually listening – not in a deep way. Instead, you are multi-tasking – giving only what’s called “continuous partial attention.” In other words, you are switching your attention between your thoughts and their words. At your worst, a tiny fraction of your attention is on the other person… your thoughts are far more interesting.
If you have ever been accused of not listening by someone you may be guilty of this habit, which some call “pausing to reload.” Perhaps you defended yourself by repeating every word the other person just said, maybe without skipping a beat. However, this represents the lowest level of listening I mentioned before… “hearing.” According to a number of studies, full communication involves a wider blend of channels: 55% relates to body language, 38% to tone of voice and only 7% to the words spoken. Take this research to mean that when someone reduces communication to just a bunch of spoken sentences they may be missing out on the 93% that’s not resident in the words.
Based on this finding, here is one expanded way to listen that is far more powerful, and actually builds followership.
Listening to Leave the Other Person Satisfied
If you can leave someone in a conversation with the experience of “being heard” you have given a shared gift. This is no generic, fleeting emotion. When the experience takes place for both people, there is a deep sense of fulfillment and connection. It is a oneness that is often present when people fall in love, become good friends in a click or come up with a brilliant idea for a new business.
By contrast, when one or both people feel as if they are not being heard, the outcome is disastrous. Lots of words get repeated. War breaks out.
Fortunately, there are simple techniques to use as remedies. Just ask “Am I getting all that you are saying?” after you have paraphrased their words aloud. Pause, listen and watch to see if they think that you are capturing their words, emotion and intent. Tune into your inner guidance to detect any discrepancies or inconsistencies.
Another useful technique is the practice of meditation. In most forms of the discipline, you learn to ignore your inner thoughts and bring your attention to a single point of focus. Without suppressing any given thought, you train yourself to retain a laser-like focus. In a conversation, this point of focus happens to be the other person and the message they are trying to communicate.
Unfortunately, these are techniques you are unlikely to use under pressure. For example, recall the last time you were verbally attacked. It may be hard to imagine yourself paraphrasing or granting laser-like attention in that episode.
The good news is that the techniques associated with advanced listening are especially suited for these difficult interactions. Using them involves deliberate practice sessions that might be uncomfortable, but build invisible muscles.
After all, Serena Williams and Chris Gayle take their time on the practice court or nets seriously. So should you if you are serious about developing advanced listening skills and employee followership.
Francis Wade is the author of Perfect Time-Based Productivity and a management consultant. To receive a free Summary of each of his past articles, send email to columns@fwconsulting.com
