I recently saw the movie “Hitch” starring Will Smith, in which he played the role of a “dating consultant” who discreetly taught hapless men the finer points of dating women … but strictly for the purpose of having a long-term relationship (not just to get them into bed).
And I was inspired!
During the first part of the movie he worked with several clients, sharing with them insights and distinctions that, I found, both real and quite innovative. They were very insightful, and put into words some distinctions that I myself learned while dating, and looking for a long-term relationship.
While I won’t give away the ones that I myself have also used, I will mention one that brought a laugh: following the 90-10 rule when kissing a woman. You (the man) go 90% of the way towards her lips, and then allow her to go the last 10% to close out the kiss. Brilliant.
But it wasn’t the skills around kissing that I found inspiring. Instead, it was skills as a consultant. His command of the distinctions that he had developed. His discrete manner and practices. His focus on empowering the client, and teaching the client. His willingness to be straight, and bold. And, at one critical point in the movie, his unwillingness to take on a client who was willing to pay him anything he wanted, for strictly ethical reasons.
I also loved his confidence, and intelligence, and sharp command of his particular area of expertise. Clearly, he had done a lot of thinking about this part of his life, and he was loving what he was doing.
Up until the point where it was clear that he was not taking his own advice, he was operating as a real trusted advisor and uber-consultant!